HAMZA EARLY INTERVENTION PROGRAM - TIM ATHFAAL

Hamza dah start sekolah effective July, 2015
Sekolah yang dipilih - TIM ATHFAAL
Kelas ANIS (Anak Istimewa) - Early Intervention Program (EIP)
ada lebih kurang 40 student Autism, ADD, ADHD

First day sekolah memang menangis
tapi lepas tu ok je
hantar je nangis
but dekat sekolah teacher kata dia boleh ikut arahan and tak banyak karenah
terus pandai makan sendiri sampai teacher tolong suap pun dia tak bagi

Why TIM-ATHFAAL?
Aku ada terbaca review dari blog mommy yang pernah hantar
perkembangan positif pada anak
dari non-verbal dah boleh bercakap
sebelum ni dikenali sebagai Tadika Indah Murni and ada a few student Autism
Pastu banyak demand so dorang bukak cawangan baru
kelas ada kategori: ANIS, PRESCHOOL, PLAYSCHOOL and NURSERY

TIM-ATHFAAL takda specific treatment macam ABA (Applied Behavior Analysis)
But they focus pada self help, social skills, fine motor skills
The best part ada include speech therapy and occupational therapy
Selain tu ada music therapy, autism movement therapy, Brain Gym
Added Value: Islamic based therapy
Dekat sekolah ada Ustaz yang akan ajar doa bila morning assembly
ada group session and one to one
ada jugak water therapy tapi tu additional fee so tengah fikir-fikir lagi

aku enrolled Hamza untuk Full day Program from 8.30am - 3.30pm
Tapi 7.30 dah hantar dia pergi sekolah sebab sadly we're both working slaves
Pergi abah dia hantar pasal abah dia masuk kerja pukul 9am
Balik ummi ambik pasal ummi keluar office 5.00pm
Sebab nusery dah penuh , school akan hantar hamza ke transit nursery yang selang 1 blok
transit nursery pun Alhamdullillah so far so good
owner sangat baik dan jagaan yang baik so far (Bondamama branch)
will talk about transit nursery in separate post

Hamza ada dapat communication book
basically teacher akan tulis daily activity
mostly apa task yang hamza buat what he can and can't do yet
Teacher Hamza nama dia teacher Suhaila
MasyaAllah baik dan friendly
Teacher Su pun ada anak special needs so she knows exactly what she's doing

Apa-apa pun aku nak say whole lotta THANKS WITH HUGSSS AND LOVEE
to TEEFA yang share pasal TIM-ATHFAAL ni
she's the one yang inform pasal TIM-ATHFAAL dah buka kat wangsa maju
Dia siap pergi Open Day
So aku terus macam what the heck just go check it out
sebab aku sebenarnya macam dah putus asa bila check harga EIP kat Malaysia
ni semua RIBU-RIBAN untuk 3 jam sehari kalau untuk daily program
Sesuailah sebab memang 1-1 program and you have your own therapist
Aku mula-mula pun fikir nak register NASOM je but hesitated
sebab jauh dari perjalanan kitorang lakibini nak pegi keja

So bila pergi borak dengan Teacher Su...pastu jumpa Manager dia Ms Rushd
terus jatuh cinta and the rest is history.
I can see Hamza is happier than ever!

Pasal fee don't worry...definitely will not leave you broke
aku sangat BERTUAH sebab company fully covered bulan-bulan yuran
untuk any rehabilitation program for Hamza sebab dia ada OKU card
Aku bersyukur sangat ada employer yang prihatin kepada anak-anak OKU
By right aku boleh pergi mana-mana EIP Mahal gila tu sebab fully covered - no limit
tapi aku sendiri tak mampu nak dahulukan duit dulu...hahaha
so yeah takpa, so far I am confident with TIM -ATHFAAL
InsyaAllah, kita tengok dalam 6 months macam mana

Seronok naik kereta tapi bila sampai simpang wangsa maju menangissss
and yeah hamza telah dibotakkan atas sebab-sebab tak dapat dielakkan
will story later if I have time
ummi SEDIH!

Next aku akan cerita improvement Hamza sejak sekolah
mungkin sikit tapi besar maknanya pada aku

Hamza first day of school recorded
walaupun kena bangun 6.30 pagi tapi excited dia tuuuuu

Cookin' Up Pt 10 - Shepherd/ Cottage Pie

whoaaaa lama gila tak update blog!
dari hari ke hari aku nak update tapi takde mood langsung.
Banyak sangat benda hamza dah masuk sekolah, hamza punya kelas OT
Tapi takpa later lah
kita dah hari-hari terakhir Ramadan
Alhamdulillah sempat merasa Ramadan tahun ni.
Raya biasa-biasa je
open house pun tak buat

Anywhoo since nak raya ni lemme share a very simple recipe, tak banyak bahan
Kalau nak menambat hati orang datang beraya yang sukakan western inilahhh resepinya..cewahh
sedap dia macam WOW!
Again , recipe from Foodwishes


SHEPHERD PIE/ COTTAGE PIE

Layer bawah (Meat Filling)
400/500gm minced mutton atau minced beef
sauted  1 cube butter with 1 onion(bawang holland) dah potong dadu dan 3 ulas garlic hiris nipis
letak olive oil sikit
brownkan minced meat 
dah brown masukkan 1/4 tepung 

letak dash of blackpepper, rosemary, paprika/ chilli flakes, cinnamon
masukkan 1 tsp garam
masukkan tomato ketchup
masukkan chicken broth (kalau takda letak je stok ayam and air)
(jangan banyak air just nice untuk pekatkan)
kalau suka masukkan frozen peas and carrots (aku skip)
kacau sampai pekat

Layer atas (Mashed Potato Filling)
Rebus 5-7 ketul kentang (aku suka guna holland potato) dengan garam
dah lembut sila drain
MASHED dengan 1 cube butter, 1tsp salt, cayenne, cream cheese, cheddar cheese
letakkan 1 egg yolk yang dah beat dengan sedikit susu
mashed sampai semua blend elok and jangan lembik sangat

Letak Meat layer dalam pan
scoop potato pakai scoop ice-cream susun atas meat layer
pastu ratakan dan criss cross kan dengan garfu

tabur apa-apa cheese yang suka sebagai topping
taknak pun takpa sebab dah ada cheese
dalam potato

Baked 30 min - 250c

Kos nak buat dalam 25 hengget boleh dapat 6 portion cut besar
atau 8 portion cut sederhana
eh oklahh tu kalau kat kedai 1 portion sederhana dah 12 hengget

SIAP!
SEDAP ...
surfacing makan je dah habis 3/4 tray sekian.

Aku cuti from 15 -27 JULAI Wohooooooo
SELAMAT HARI RAYA!

Special

Some of my close friends already knew this

My son, Muhammad Hamza just diagnosed with Autism (Mild-Moderate)

from NASOM and Child Development Centre (CDC), HUKM

We are currently searching for the best therapy and early intervention program

for Hamza (that will not bankrupt us because autism is expensive) 

So apa reaction aku masa child psychologist bagitau result assessment dia?

I felt relieved.

seriously lega. 

Because I've been observing Hamza since he's 15 months.

I can't denied the fact that he's a late bloomer

at 16 months dah bawak dia buat hearing test and Alhamdulillah normal.

So I've waited until 20 months (adjusted age) to hear his first word

There's none.

So I wait no more and started calling Nasom and CDC buat appointment

untuk assessment.

bawak jugak speech therapy assessment and the SLP pun expressed her concerned.

memang ada traits autism tu.

At first , I made myself believe it probably ADHD 

Because he's really hyper, short attention span etc

But from time to time, the traits become more obvious

from the hand flapping, stimming, less eye contact and tip toeing.

I started searching for more articles about Autism

watch more youtube videos on the treatment

join FB "Austime Malaysia, "Kelab anak Autisme"  and more

So yes, 

when I heard the diagnosis, I felt relieved.

I got more assurance from Child Development Centre (CDC) HUKM

Time wasted no more and this is the best age to get the help he needed.

Now I have the answers, I just have ask more questions.

Did I cry?

Yes, loads.

But I cried because I feel like I'm not doing good enough for Hamza, yet.

He is my son and I still look at him the same just like before the diagnosis.

He is the same person.

He just need more support, love and attention from us.

I didn't share his condition on other social media because I don't want sympathy or likes

I just want your Doa.

However, I will blog more about  our journey, Insya'Allah

I will only blog to share info for future special supermom and superdad out there.

I'm still learning and this is just the beginning of our wonderful journey.

#hamzavsautism

Rain

Here we are at HUKM again

And it's raining heavily

Carried you from the lobby to the carpark

Only to realized i haven't validate the parking ticket

It's raining and you want your milk

And you sleep so peacefully

And here  I am sobbing thinking

How the hell im going to carry you, braving the rain and validate that damn parking ticket.

I feel useless right now. 

Faculties of Mind

I have so many things going on that will change our lives forever
I have so many things I look forward to
I will keep my chin up with my head held high
I will not be defeated
I will try and I will do it
I will never stop learning
I will always be searching
I will keep praying
and everything I do, I do it for you my dear son.

"Hold my head inside your hands,
I need someone who understands.
I need someone, someone who hears,
For you, I've waited all these years.

For you, I'd wait 'til kingdom come.
Until my day, my day is done.
And say you'll come, and set me free,
Just say you'll wait, you'll wait for me.

In your tears and in your blood,
In your fire and in your flood,
I hear you laugh, I heard you sing,
"I wouldn't change a single thing."

Tears In Heaven - Mother

Inna lillahi wa inna ilayhi raji'un ( انّا للہ و انّا الیہ راجعون)

My mother in law passed away on March 10, 2015
Exactly a year after opah passed away
the same date
midnight
same time
she was 69 years old

3 days before she passed away, she was transferred from ICU to normal ward
Doctor gave us a slight of hope
by telling us, the infection is gone
she probably remain vegetative
so we have to learn how to take care of her in this condition
dia sedar tapi non-responsive
my surfacing teman mak dari pagi ke malam

on the day she passed away, my surfacing can't visit her sebab kerja sampai malam
It was 11pm when he got home
It's raining heavily
Pukul 12 masuk tidur and I heard engine car running
aku call tanya nak pergi mana
he said the hospital call...mak dah nazak
aku tidurkan hamza and tertidur sekali langsung tak sedar apa

Masa tidur, I dream of mak,
she's lying on our living room dalam keadaan vegetative
she just stared at me
Then I felt someone touch my leg
it was my surfacing
"Mak dah takda..." 
he said softly
I immediately hug him
he said wait till morning and he went to mak's house

Pagi datang tengok mak
bila bukak kain tutup muka I was stunned
Masya'Allah cantiknya muka mak
Macam tidur dalam senyum
berseri sangat
even my mom said that

Masa lepas mandikan I kissed her for the last time
tak pergi sampai kubur sebab hamza dah bangun
semuanya dipermudahkan
cuaca yang baik
surfacing kata masa di kubur jadi mendung
lepas kebumi panas semula
Alhamdulillah
semuanya mudah

I knew her way before our marriage
She is the best mother in law
tak pernah marah, tak pernah tinggi suara, tak pernah campur hal kami berdua
She's a cool mom
selalu senyum je and never fail to say thank you
kami tinggal selang satu lorong je
so whenever datang jumpa dia, dia akan kata
"terima kasih lawat mak" walaupun jumpa selalu

I will always remember her smile
her warm hugs
her cooking
she made the best creme caramel pudding
masa sebelum kahwin,
bila nak keluar dating ada je benda mak bagi tapau untuk makan
I am so lucky to be part of her life

I have faith that she's not in pain at all
sebab masa dia sedated and sedar semula bila tanya dia sedar ke kami datang
atau rasa sakit ke
dia kata dia langsung tak sedar
I am hoping dari masa dia coma sampai vegetative tu dia macam tidur je
tak rasa apa
she never knew her leg was gone

I know that she's in the best place now
Mak baik sangat menjaga suami yang sakit sehingga lah ke akhir hayat
tak pernah menyakiti orang lain
Oh dear Allah, she has done so much for her family
Please forgive her sins and grant her a place in Jannah

Rest well, mak
You will always be in our heart and our doa.

Allahyarham Mariah Abd Talib
(16 September 1946- 10 Mac 2015)

Mother

We are taking it slow now
Masa hamza kena HFMD,
My mother in law was admitted to Hospital Selayang just a week after remove 1 toe.
The culprit was diabetic gangrene.
She is still in hospital now.
in the ICU to be exact.
almost 2 months now

Earlier she was admitted because she was having difficulty to breathe
Then we were told by doctor she has kidney failure - stage 5
she has to start on Dialysis
Not long after that, her health went downhill...fast.
From laughing and smiling to unconscious state
from normal ward to ICU to Isolation ICU
she had pneumonia
her tube site for catheter (a tube inserted into her vein in the neck for dialysis) is infected
her blood froze during dialysis
Doctor had a talk with my surfacing
It's not looking good but there's hope
he gave her a really strong antibiotic
She woke up from sedation but remained weak

Then we were told by doctor they have to remove another toe
Tt's infected with gangrene as well
just a few days after  minor operation removing her toe,
we were told by doctor that her entire leg need to go
I was speechless
Below Knee amputation need to be done because she has a severe infection
it could go to her vein, heart and brain
and we don't wanna go down that road
we have no choice
we have to do it

My MIL doesn't know about her leg
because  since the operation she remains unconscious until now
After the amputation, she had another operation
She had to undergone a tracheotomy
(created hole through the front of neck to opens up the trachea)
This procedure provides air passage  for her to breathe
she's not getting enough air into her lungs due to over flooding mucus

After  both operation, she opened her eyes but no response from her
She's no longer sedated
She should be awake by now
When my surfacing visit her, he will touch her hand, talk to her but nothing's change
her eyes wide open,  just looking up.  no movement.
We are really worried.
I'm really afraid she has fell into a vegetative state, god forbid.
Yesterday my surfacing asked doctor to do CT scan to check her brain movement
hopefully the result will bring some good news to us

All your doa are needed.
My MIL name is Mariah Abdul Talib
Dear Allah SWT,
please cure our mother,
heal her and ease her pain,
grant her strength,
keep her healthy
Please bring out the best in us to take care of her and comfort her.
Amin.

HFMD episode 2

Surfacing dah selamat admitted due to dehydration.

Confirmed HFMD.

Usually it affects children but yes it can occur in adults.

In fact surfacing kena lagi teruk dari hamza.

Asalnya isnin tu dia demam. 

Malam dah kebah tapi selasa dia tunggu mak masuk wad dari 9 pagi sampai 12 malam. Dia tunggu kat yellow zone hospital selayang tu so imagine berapa punya bapak datuk virus ada dalam tu

Dia demam balik time tu and mula kena sakit tekak

Sakit tekak yg tahap macam razor blade everytime telan air liur

Rabu pergi klinik ambik antibiotic 

Sampai jumaat tekak masih sakit gila 

Rashes mula keluar jadi blister

Tadi terus hantar hospital sebab kalau dia dok rumah mau aku pulak berjangkit

Habis kalau both sakit sapa nak jaga hamza?

Me on the other hand memang kena positif supaya diri jadi kuat

Makan habbatussauda and doa supaya sihat.

Memang ada ulser and body ache here and there

Tapi kena kuatkan diri.

So how did we get HFMD?

Siapa yang kenal kitorang boleh tau betapa aku ni paranoid dengan germs

I clean my house, mainan hamza and any surface with dettol

I have antibacterial wetwipes and sanitizer in my bag

I sanitize my hand before ambik hamza di rumah babysitter and sanitize tangan dia 

I will wipe and use spray sanitizer at babychair bila makan kat luar

I wash my hand and sanitize before pegang makanan especially makanan untuk hamza

Tahap germs freak aku,  lepas beri-beri aku sabun tangan dengan hand soap, sabun basuh pinggan dan sanitize lagi dengan dettol. 

To that extend.

But kalau nak kena, tetap kena jugak.

My child is not a bubble boy.

Aku hantar rumah orang, bawak makan luar, bawak pergi mall.

It can happen anywhere. 

To be honest, aku serius taktau hamza kena HFMD. Hari ahad tu bawak dia pi breakfast siap jumpa family bai, pergi jusco, balik umah nenek. Petang tu keluar rashes kt kaki and mulut terus rasa bersalah cause we didn't know.

But once tau, memang terus kuarantin kt rumah.

Sanggup ambik annual leave 6 hari. 

But some people mungkin take it lightly.

Bawak anak jalan or hantar jugak anak pergi taska walaupun anak kena hfmd or chicken pox or rotavirus. 

Anyway, it's a tough week for us.

Hopefully datanglah pelangi selepas thunderstorm ini

Gitu

HFMD

Almost a week resting at home

Last week 3 hari cuti ehsan

This week seminggu terus tak datang kerja

Tak sangka hamza akan kena HFMD

Surfacing pun berjangkit dengan hamza penuh ulser dalam mulut

Mother in law admitted

Dugaan permulaan 2015

Alhamdulillah ruam2 and blister makin hilang

Yang penting ulser mulut dah takda

Will write about this bila hamza dah sihat nanti

Today Is Perfect

I read this article written by Megan Morton in HuffPost Parents
I feel like crying
This article makes me want to savour everything I have now
Makes me appreciate all those little things my son does
Makes me appreciate life
Because when that 'one day' come,
I know I will keep myself busy
to make room for the emptiness of not having my children around
Because they all have grown up and have their own lives


So, here's the article:

"MOMMY, SOMEBODY NEEDS YOU"

Ever since we brought our new daughter home, 
her older brothers have been the first to tell me when she is crying, whimpering 
or smelling a little suspicious.
 "Somebody needs you," they say. 
I have no idea how this little saying started, but at first it sort of annoyed me. 
I could be enjoying a quick shower... 
"Mommy, somebody needs you. The baby is crying." 
Or, sitting down for a second, quite aware that the baby was beginning to stir from a nap.... 
"Mama, somebody needs you!" OK! I get it already!
 And not to mention that the newborn's needs pale in comparison to the needs of two little boys. Somebody always needs a snack, a band-aid, a different sock, ice cubes in their water, 
a NEW Paw Patrol, a stream of snot wiped, a hug, a story, a kiss. 
Some days never seem to end, and the monotony of being "needed" can really take its toll. 
Then, it all started to hit me, they need ME. Not anybody else. 
Not a single other person in the whole world. They need their Mommy.

The sooner I can accept that being Mommy means that I never go off the clock, 
the sooner I can find peace in this crazy stage of life. 
That "Mommy" is my duty, 
privilege and honor. I am ready to be there when somebody needs me, all day and all night. 
Mommy means I just put the baby back down after her 4 a.m. feeding
when a 3-year-old has a nightmare. 
Mommy means I am surviving on coffee and toddler leftovers. 
Mommy means my husband and I haven't had a real conversation in weeks. 
Mommy means I put their needs before my own, without a thought. 
Mommy means that my body is full of aches and my heart is full of love.

I am sure there will come a day when no one needs me. 
My babies will all be long gone and consumed with their own lives. 
I may sit alone in some assisted living facility watching my body fade away. 
No one will need me then. I may even be a burden. 
Sure, they will come visit, but my arms will no longer be their home. 
My kisses no longer their cure. 
There will be no more tiny boots to wipe the slush from or seat belts to be buckled. 
I will have read my last bedtime story, seven times in a row. 
I will no longer enforce time-outs. 
There will be no more bags to pack and unpack or snack cups to fill. 
I am sure my heart will yearn to hear those tiny voices calling out to me, 
"Mommy, somebody needs you!"

So for now, I find beauty in the peaceful 4 a.m. feedings in our cozy little nursery. 
We are perched above the naked oak trees in our own lavender nest. 
We watch the silent snow fall and a bunny scampering across its perfect white canvas.
 It's just me and my little baby, the neighborhood is dark and still. 
We alone are up to watch the pale moon rise and the shadows dance along the nursery wall. 
She and I are the only ones to hear the barn owl hooting in the distance. 
We snuggle together under a blanket and I rock her back to sleep. 

It's 4am and I am exhausted and frustrated, but it's OK, she needs me. Just me. 
And maybe, I need her too. Because she makes me Mommy. 
Someday she will sleep through the night. 
Someday I will sit in my wheelchair, my arms empty, dreaming of those quiet nights in the nursery. When she needed me and we were the only two people in the world.

Can I enjoy being needed? Sometimes, sure, but often it is tiring. Exhausting.
 But, it isn't meant to be enjoyed every moment. It is a duty. 
God made me their Mom.
 It is a position I yearned for long before I would ever understand it. 
Over a three-day weekend, my husband couldn't believe how many times our boys kept saying, "Mommy. Mommy. Mommy!" 
"Are they always like this?" he asked, not able to hide his terror and sympathy. 
"Yep. All day, everyday. That's my job." 
And I have to admit that it is the toughest job I have ever had. 

In a previous life, I was a restaurant manager for a high volume and very popular chain in 
Palm Beach Gardens, Florida. A Saturday night at 7:30 p.m. with the expo window 
overflowing with dishes, a two-hour wait and the electricity inexplicably going out 
has got nothing on a Tuesday, 5:00 p.m. at the Morton house. 
And let me tell ya, South Florida diners are some of the toughest to please. 
But they are a cake walk compared to sleep-deprived toddlers with low blood sugar.

Once upon a time, I had time. For myself. Now, my toenails need some love. 
My bra fits a little differently. My curling iron might not even work anymore, I don't know.
 I can't take a shower without an audience. I've started using eye cream. 
I don't get carded anymore. My proof of motherhood. Proof that somebody needs me. 

That right now, somebody always needs me. Like last night...

At 3 a.m. I hear the little footsteps entering my room. I lay still, barely breathing.
Maybe he will retreat to his room. Yeah right.

"Mommy."

"Mommy." A little louder.

"Yes," I barely whisper.

He pauses, his giant eyes flashing in the dim light.

"I love you."

And just like that, he is gone. 
Scampered back to his room. But, his words still hang in the cool night air. 
If I could reach out and snatch them, I would grab his words and hug them to my chest. 
His soft voice whispering the best sentence in the world. I love you. 
A smile curls across my lips and I slowly exhale, almost afraid to blow the memory away.
 I drift back to sleep and let his words settle into my heart.

One day that little boy will be a big man. 
There will no longer be any sweet words whispered to me in the wee hours. 
Just the whir of the sound machine and the snoring husband.
 I will sleep peacefully through the night, never a worry of a sick child or a crying baby.
 It will be but a memory. These years of being needed are exhausting, yet fleeting.
 I have to stop dreaming of "one day" when things will be easier. 
Because the truth is, it may get easier, but it will never be better than today. 
Today, when I am covered in toddler snot and spit-up. 
Today, when I savor those chubby little arms around my neck. 
Today is perfect. 
"One day" I will get pedicures and showers alone. 
"One day" I will get myself back. 
But, today I give myself away, and I am tired and dirty and loved SO much, and I gotta go. Somebody needs me.

Moment Of Truth

Came across Emily McDowell's honest greeting card
IT'S SO FUNNY!!!

I wish I could write something like this
Biasa kalau pegi wedding ke apa balik balik
"Selamat Pengantin Baru"
"semoga bahagia selalu"

Kalau nak selamba sikit
"cepat-cepat dapat anak"
atau "have fun honeymoon'
takdalah nak kreatif sangat kan

Macam ni ha..kita mesti tulis belated kan baik punya cover
takkan nak tulis lupa birthday orang
tapi ni in your face honesty
hahahaha

Once a mom always a mom
walaupun ko cakap ko  taknak bagi advice kat new mom atau other mom
tapi kalau org tanya laju je ko jawab kan
hahahahaha
because we can't contain our thoughts
kalau bab anak memang laju je nak sharing is caring

ahh jeles dengan emily ni
She was in advertising...
quit her job and found what she loves doing most - writing and typography
eventually jadi besar and making lotsa money

Apparently my superior kata
"kita boleh buat apa kita suka lepas pencen, 
dalam masa bekerja kita kena buat apa orang suka"
He is damn right!
itulah resmi makan gaji bukan boleh ikut kepala sendiri je
setiap duit yang dibayar tu adalah tanggungjawab kita, amanah kepada kita
But tak bermakna kita tak boleh fikir cemana nak develop diri kan

Maybe I have to look deep into myself
kena cari how to make money doing what I Love most?
Tak payah yang juta-juta punya

bak kata superior sorang lagi
"Berniaga lah macam orang Kelantan...
 Jual Budu 10 riyal, untung 1 riyal, 
tapi nak bila 1 riyal tu? sekarang jugak pasal nak makan petang ni"

maksudnya kalau berniaga tu biarlah untung dapat terus walaupun kecik
dari berniaga besar-besar tapi untung tak nampak
itu perumpaan untuk orang modal kecik la
kalau memang modal besar what the heck kan

and how come aku cerita pasal greeting cards tiba-tiba jadi cerita bisnes pulak?
Thank God It's Friday.

Circles

I am working - to work
not to make friends
I'm going to work to make a living.

You don't have to pity me just because I'm having breakfast or lunch at my desk

or I don't wait for another person to join me to go to surau

or I don't participate gossiping about other people

I choose to be alone

I choose to leave my house-work-go back and take care my family

I don't feel the need to participate any outside work activity, bowling etc

I'm not being arrogant or rather rude

I smile at you

I greet you with Assalamualaikum or good morning or simply smile

I just don't want to share with you about my personal life, my hobby, my family or my friends

Yes, I do have friends

In fact I have lots of them
all kinds
The bestest friends

Friends that I contact and meet regularly

Friends that I invite to my house or to my mom's kenduri

So thank you for your concern

I am perfectly happy with my circle of friends 

that you are not in.

Peace.


MY INTERMONOLOGUE:
Joe Cocker - With a Little Help From My Friends

The Long and Winding Road

Muhammad Hamza aka Nobita

"Every progress is golden because I know it's a result of hard work"

Ayat ni dari entry Teefa yang aku sukaaaaa sangat sangat.
spot on!

As a prematurely born baby, kat mana-mana buku atau article yang boleh google
akan kata mesti ada sikit development delay.
Masa lahirkan hamza, aku dah set dalam mind.
Yes, mungkin akan ada delay.
I will never put any expectation pada Hamza.
I will help him through this.
Bawah umur setahun memang takda masalah.
lambat sikit tapi aku tak cemas langsung.

roll: 5 months 3 weeks

First solid food: 6 months

sit without support: 7 months 3 weeks

crawl: 8 months 3 weeks

standing without support: 8 months 2 weeks

Climb: 8 months 2 weeks

Cooing and babling: 9 months

First tooth: 10 months

Clap and Bye: 1 year 2 weeks

First step: 1 year 3 months

Tapi bila Hamza dah mula jalan dan melasak
aku dah lupa yang dia ni once a premature baby.
sebab dah besar kan.
so rasa risau tu mesti ada bila hamza tak bercakap lagi by umur 18 months.
Aku cakap takpa kita tunggu 2 tahun.

Lepas dah 2 tahun, aku rasa tak boleh wait and see dah.
zaman sekarang ni semua cepat and advance
Especially beli baca "EARLY INTERVENTION PROGRAM" is very crucial
jangkamasa dia adalah seawal yang boleh  hingga 5 tahun saja
sebab time tu budak macam sponge boleh serap apa saja
cepat atau lambat je
CDC HUKM kata paling muda budak dalam rekod dorang adalah 18 bulan....
haa bayangkan betapa tinggi awareness modern parents ni kan
Bukanlah lepas 5 tahun tu tak boleh serap apa-apa
tapi lagi awal lagi senang sebab nanti nak masuk sekolah bagai

Macam mak aku pendekatan dia sempoi
"alaa tak lama lagi cakapla tu...dulu pakcik/ anak pakcik/ sepupu ko umur 6 tahun baru cakap"

ada jugak pendekatan positive aura
"takpa kecik lagi, nanti cakapla tu, lambat sikit je"

Tapi kitorang ni ikut pendekatan Paed Hamza iaitu
"get him check right away"

Kalau ikutkan kronologi, aku dah buat beberapa benda:

1. Hearing assessment di Klinik Audiologi dan Pertuturan, HUKM Jalan Temerloh
    masa 1 tahun 4 bulan
    Result:  Normal

ABR test - Hearing

2. Assessment dengan ENT Doctor di Hospital Selayang masa 1 tahun 6 bulan
     Result: Normal

3. First speech assessment di Klinik Audiologi dan Pertuturan masa 1 tahun 6 bulan
    Result- speech delay

4. Speech assessment dengan Speech Languange Pathologist di One Hearing Centre
    pada umur 2 year 4 months (December 2014)
    Result: Language Age - 8 months- 1 year old

5. Registered at Children Development Centre  pada 13 Januari 2015
    - waiting list untuk assessment  adalah sampai september....berjanggut tunggu tapi free

6. Waiting list untuk assessment di NASOM (Nombor 32 so dalam 2-3 bulan)
    - dah tunggu dari November

Next step InsyaAllah aku akan bawak hamza untuk Psychological assessment di WQ Park
Date belum set lagi, but soon. Probably end of January.

Why Psychological assessment?
Sebab Hamza ada ADHD and Autism traits. sikit lah.
Bukanlah banyak..ada dalam 1-2 gitu.
Plus he's non-verbal so takut faktor-faktor tu yang buatkan dia non-verbal.
Short attention span- hyper- easily distracted .
I really hope takda...but PAED hamza bila tengok je dia masa nak inject Pneumococcal
dose 3 last week terus kata "get him check right away"
Kengerian sekejap makcik
Pasal Hamza masuk je bilik doktor terus flapping tangan...
padahal kat rumah bukan selalu buat pun.
talking about perfect timing here.
hahahah

So yes berbalik kepada ayat teefa "every progress is golden"
sangat sangat betul.
apa sahaja benda baru hamza buat aku akan kira sebagai progress.
Contohnya:

 Hamza korek hidung? itu motor skills - progress

 Hamza tunjuk baju aku sebab ada perkataan besar macam A, B, C - yup that's progress

Hamza stack wooden toys (stacking ke atas- building)
 - definitely a progress walaupun dia mengamuk sebab tak dapat stack tinggi
and apa yang dia bina tu takda maksud pun

It's the little -little things that counts....
ohh romantik sangat kan
hahahahaha

kalau ikutkan anak orang lain macam-macam dah buat/ cakap memang tak terkejar
and kalau fikir nanti jadi down
so yes, never ever compare our child to another child
every child is unique, different

Macam recently hamza dah pandai sepak bola
Ya Allah masa first dia sepak tu menjerit-jerit aku and surfacing
golllllllll gollllllllllllllllllllllll
dia pulak terpinga-pinga apahal ummi and abah aku ni kena rasuk ka
sebab selama ni dia ambik and baling bola
dia takkan sepak puas la kitorang dok mengajar
finally he did it.
and it's totally worth waiting.
Love you my son, you are super awesome.
Can't wait for your first word.
No, bukan expectation---motivation saja
ngeeee

My Nama is Hamza

Nama: 
Muhammad Hamza Mohd Zulkarnain

Nama Panggilan:
Hamza, Muhammad

Nama mengada: 
Amja,  Cheeky bombom, Gizmo, Kuchimama, Pipi, Nobita

Nama Panggilan oleh nenek:
Ulat Nangko
Ulat mentibang

Umur: 
2 Tahun 4 bulan

Tarikh lahir: 
31 Ogos 2012

Berat: 
11.5kg

Tinggi:
Lebih 85cm tak sure berapa, ummi saya tak macam mak omputih kira tinggi anak kat pintu rumah

Makanan Kegemaran: 
Nasi putih, Tosai gula garing, tofu, nasi ayam atau apa2 nasi berperisa,
spaghetti, mee suah, roti peanut butter
dan apa sahaja jenis biskut khususnya biskut tiger

Sekarang ummi dah tak berapa strict macam dulu dia akan bagi saya rasa makanan
biasa orang makan.

Tapi dia masih tak bagi saya makan gula2, keropok jajan, air gas dan air kordial

Oh saya juga dah tak boleh makan coklat atau apa sahaja benda berunsur coklat
seperti milo untuk mengelakkan saya hyper

Minuman kegemaran:
Susu S26 Progress x 6oz z x 7 kali sehari. Tapi ummi kata next month nak tukar dutch lady 1,2,3
Yakult
air teh herba abah nampak sedap tapi ummi tak bagi minum

Saya suka: 
Berlari, berlari dan berlari
melompat, memanjat,
main stacking benda kayu tu
main ball
tengok game kat ipad atau ABC, 123 Qaziinc
baca buku atau sebenarnya kepak buku hardcover sampai patah
tengok TV - semestinya Baby TV dan Disney Junior
keluar berjalan ke mana-mana sahaja asalkan naik kereta

Korek hidung sebab nak tengok ummi jerit "hamzaa noooooooo",
pastu saya gelak dan cuba buat lagi sebab reaction ummi memang priceless

cubit muka, perut abah sebab nak tengok reaction abah sakit

Terbangun tengah malam terus turun menyelit tidur dengan abah and ummi.
pastu ummi letak saya balik dalam cot sebab ingat saya dah tidur tapi oh no no
saya turun balik menyelit last-last ummi fed up terus biar sampai pagi

Saya tak suka: 
kena duduk carseat
kena masuk stroller
kena pegang tangan time jalan
kena pakai kasut
gosok gigi (tapi ummi diam-diam gosok gigi saya masa tidur pakai kain)
kena bawak keluar dari playland---ummi kita baya untuk sehari bukan 45 minit!

Bangun pagi tengok ummi takda, sebab saya tau saya kena hantar rumah babysitter
(maka saya nangis kuat-kuat setiap kali abah bangun atau kata jom)

TV Program saya minat: 
Mickey Mouse Clubhouse, Let's go Pocoyo, Elmo's World,
Babytv (Draco, The Jammers, Hippa Hippa Hey),
Upin-Ipin, Boboiboy,
Karoot Komedia (cuma part dikir barat saja)
Iklan UTC atau apa-apa sahaja iklan kerajaan
countdown sebelum berita utama TV9 start

Lagu kegemaran:
Pink Floyd - Another Brick in The Wall
(ok ni ummi dah start mereka-reka cerita)

2015 - All These Lives

It's 2015 already???
sheeshhh
Looks like I've been abandoning my blog for a while now
serius banyak gila nak update
gambar semua dalam ipad and phone
bila kat rumah dah tak larat nak buat apa pun

So today first day of school
Thank God the traffic was okay.
 I was so nervous this morning sebab dah 2 months suka hati aku je keluar lambat
sebab gerenti sampai by 8am
But today keluar 7am sharp

Do I have any new year resolution?
Honestly takda.
Just pray for more rezeki for my family
peluang yang lebih banyak untuk bagi yang terbaik kepada anak

So masa end of 2014, I took 16 days leave
heaven gilaaaa
duduk rumah tak buat apa just chilled dengan suami and anak
seriously we didn't go anywhere
hari hujan mostly
Dah nak habis cuti baru terkedek-kedek nak kemas itu ini
ni store umah kami
memang betul-betul buat macam store kan...
so berjaya kemas from this



To this:



Eh samaaa je
hahaha my organising skills sucked
sebenarnya ada tak habis kemas lagi
aku beli rak aluminium murahan tu kat ikea dengan harga murahan juga 39 only
lucky me masa beli memang tinggal 2 je
so I need to add more storage rack kalau nak kemas betul
tunggu cuti panjang hujung tahun lah




Time cuti for the first time ever bawak hamza pi indoor playland
sebelum ni usha usha je (damn you rotavirus buat aku paranoid)
but now I'm confident enough to let my kid play and mingle with other kids and germs
He's a big boy
dah 2 tahun 4 bulan
you gotta let him fly
and yeah, he did fly. serius suka gila berlari, melompat dalam playland tu
bukan dia peduli orang lain pun

kitorang bawak kat Jusco AU je murah RM 12 weekend and RM  6 Weekdays
murah gila kan?
haritu nak terjojol mata aku tengok harga playland kat Ikano RM60 on weekend!!!
kegilaan apakah itu
dah boleh masuk kelas gymboree
hamza main maximum pun 1 hour je
tak koser aku nak dok lama-lama kat situ

Anywho
This 2015 aku looking forward perkara ini:

1. Bawak hamza speech therapy supaya my son can call me"ummi" atau "abah" atau any word at all

2. sekiranya...diberi rezeki oleh Allah SWT untuk membawa kawan baru kepada Hamza...ngeee

3. Management Restructuring kat office ni. Kalau jadi akan ada increment yang lebih better, InsyaAllah

4. Avengers - Age of Ultron

5. Jurassic world, Terminator Genisys and Star Wars Episode VII- The Force Awaken

Sangat tak bercita-cita tinggi betul aku ni kan
orang lain nak kurus lah, beli rumah la, tukar kereta lah, pergi Umrah, Buat Business, masuk MLM
aku... nak tengok filem.
hahahaha
Cukupla tu, I'm simple like that
kalau dapat rezeki lain-lain tu aku anggap bonus dalam hidup.