Tuesday, November 15, 2016


Kisah Hamza dan Haiqal
Both lahir bulan Ogos. 
Hamza anak merdeka august, 31st  2012. 
Haiqal august 14, 2016
Both lahir di Hospital Selayang

Hamza on friday, 5.26pm
Haiqal on sunday, 3.50pm

Berat lahir Hamza 2.26kg
Berat lahir Haiqal 3.00kg
Tapi bila dah 3 bulan berat dekat-dekat pulak...
Hamza 6kg at 3 months and Haiqal 6.4kg at 3 months

Both lahir via Cesarean section because my water broke 
but no contraction, no dilation, no progress. 
My water broke at 8.00pm masa hamza 
and at 12.30am masa Haiqal.

Hamza borderline premature at 35 weeks 3 days
Haiqal full term at 39 weeks.

Both prolonged jaundice sampai 1 bulan setengah

Hamza masuk NICU 5 hari
Haiqal masuk NICU 2 hari sebab jaundice

Hamza dari baby dah clingy mesti kena sentiasa dukung, 
skin to skin.
Siang tak boleh letak dalam cot nak berpeluk je...
tapi malam tidur elok pulak.

Haiqal on the other hand banyak kena beralah dengan hamza. 
Siang bila tidur terus letak kat cot. 
Elok je tidur sampai la ummi kejut dia. 
Tapi bila malam macam nightcrawler berjaga sampai pagi. 
Macam tau inilah time dia dapat memerap berpeluk sama ummi.

Tak sabar nak tengok korang dua ni main sama-sama. 
But I'm going to enjoy Haiqal as a baby 
because I know I'm gonna miss it soon.
I only have 1 quota left😁


Thursday, September 15, 2016

Muhammad Haiqal Mohd Zulkarnain

August 14, 2016 (Sunday):
Muhammad Haiqal Mohd Zulkarnain selamat dilahirkan at approximately 3.50pm---3.0kg---cesarean section at Hospital Selayang.

Assalamualaikum dunia! 

Thursday, March 10, 2016

This is Parenting

I read this article and air mata bergenang laju jee turun.


This is Parenting

The first years of parenting knocked me on my a**.

I had postpartum depression twice, and our son was a colicky baby.
As an introvert who values my freedom and space, it took me a few years to truly acclimate to parenthood. Then, just as we were starting to get into a groove, we added a second child to the mix. For many months after our daughter’s birth, I was triage parenting—constantly trying to figure out which child needed me the most while the other one cried.
More than anything else, early parenting felt like chaos.
But now, we’re crawling out of the trenches. And I’m mourning how fast it’s going. I want to freeze time a bit. I want to savor these days. These days of watching our son learn to love books, or sit at the dining room table coloring, or practice his Tae Kwon Do routine to loud techno music, darting around the living room. And our daughter, who only has a few short years left before kindergarten squeezes the baby out of her, before her spine straightens, and her sing-song preschooler voice fades.
Time is slipping away. And as the chaos fades into something more like fullness, I am seeing how damned sacred it all is.
To watch someone come into the world, to know them before you even know their name. To attend to their cries, their hunger, their fear. To feed them. To bathe and change them, to witness them in all their vulnerability, all their naked humanity. To accept them as you’ve probably never accepted anyone before. To watch your own brain rewire, connecting you to a chain of parents throughout time, turning you both stronger and more vulnerable at the same time.
To feel the muscles of your heart stretch and hum and grow so you can love in a way that is different than any other love. To use that strong heart to forgive them when they frustrate you, when they test your limits over and over again.
And even more, to forgive yourself when you’re empty on patience, when you think maybe I’m just not cut out for this whole parenting thing.
Underneath all the trappings of life, the costumes we wear, the possessions we surround ourselves with, the titles we hold— beneath it all we are human creatures who breathe and shit and love and fear and die. In the same way that watching someone leave their body is sacred—so is watching someone live. Watching them enter the world, grow, shedding their skin over and over again, stepping into new versions of themselves, with or without grace. To discover that when someone arrives in the world, they are already exactly who they are meant to be.
It’s hard and hilarious and humbling.
And it’s sacred.
Not in the Enjoy every moment you are so very blessed way. Not in the Isn’t it all just so magical? way. But in the way you can go from ohmygod if somebody says mommy one more time I’m going to Van Gogh my ears to a few hours later as you watch their sweet moon faces sleep and you hear yourself whisper aren’t I the luckiest person in the world?
Parenting rearranges us, offers us new lenses to see the world, lenses we were born with but that got shattered or lost over the decades: like when my son races outside to smash ice with his boots, and I slow down enough to join him, finding pleasure in that sound that ice makes as it begins to surrender beneath our feet. Or how ecstatic my daughter is when I return from the grocery store, lugging her favorite fruits.
Our kids remind us to squint and see the world with fresh eyes; sometimes it’s amazing and sometimes we are just too damned tired and rushed to take it all in.
Parenting is to know all the previous versions of someone, to hold them inside your mind as they grow, as they unfold. It’s slowly learning to let go on the outside as their lives begin to take shape, separate from your own, while on the inside, in your strong, tender parent-heart, you never let go at all.

Thursday, February 25, 2016

Random February 2016

1. Dah lama tak update blog. Bukanlah busy bebenor cuma malas nak menulis.

2. But I love my blog and I want to read all of this again when i'm 10 -20 years older kalau umur panjang. Mesti best kan reminisce.

3. 2016 has been really great to me, Surfacing, Hamza and our little family. Banyak open doors/ opportunity. Alhamdulillah satu demi satu dimudahkan dan dilorongkan jalannya. Ini ke namanya rezeki baby H2? Ewah code nama macam Star Wars pulak...

4. Talking bout baby H2, I'm already week 14. All the nausea, muntah, loya, angin dah makin berkurangan, Alhamdulillah. I think I should write more often. Nanti kesian pulak takda update pasal dia sedangkan abangnya kemain lagi rajin menulis.

5. Talking about Hamza, he is progressing Alhamdulillah. Dia dah mula verbal tapi limited like baru 30-40 words and 90% english. But hey I'm not complaining! Jadilah dari takda langsung kan! He is such a happy kiddo and his behaviour getting better. This cheeky gizmo pandai gila cari attention dari ummi abah dia termasuk teacher-teacher dia because he lovesss body contact. Suka peluk kiss orang. manalaaaa orang nak marah kan.

5. Currently hamza still EIP di Tim Athfaal- full day monday-friday, EIP 2 hours/week di Permata Kurnia dan OT di HUKM twice a month.

6. I'm still working at ANGKASA. Dah 4 tahun dahhh magaddd pecah rekod paling lama keja kat sini. But I guess i'm gonna stay here for a while.

7. Not gonna further study anytime soon.

8. I just booked confinement lady untuk jaga fullday 8.00am-5.00pm for 14 days.  Mahal juga la untuk aku yang kedekut ini. Tapi takpalah aku beranak spital selayang je tak payah bayar apa.
So apa salahnya invest sikit untuk kesihatan badanku.
cukupla pantang sendiri masa first tu, seriously effectnya 6-7 bulan lepas beranak
badan sakit-sakit and macam-macam lagi datang.

9. Probably will take 1 month extra unpaid leave lepas pantang sebab 2 bulan tak cukup sebenarnya baby kecikkk je lagi.

10. Kesian pulak hamza birthday dia kan 31 ogos sedangkan due date aku 19 ogos. (Please baby H2 kita keluar ikut term ye sayang. Jangan buat ummi terperanjat keluar awal-awal..hehehe)
Aku and surfacing kemainla plan nak buat birthday party Star Wars theme "May the 4th be with you" gitu for hamza 4th birthday but hey Allah has better plan. Takpa kalau ada duit lebih sikit kita buat la kita-kita je sebulan sebelum birthday Hamza ye (which is after raya)

11. Surfacing currently working on his first Feature Film. Can't reveal much but I AM SO PROUD OF YOU MY DEAR SURFACING! Finally masanya telah tibaaaa (nyanyi macam rakan muda)

12. I'm so unfashionable I basically wear the same jubah/ dress weekly because I only have 5 jubah and 2 baju kurung pergi kerja for the past 2 years. Sheeshh. I rather spend RM49 for T-shirt hamza yang lawa dekat H&M  dari RM39 cheap jubah kat carrefour. What the hell is wrong with us, mothers???

13. AKU MALAS MASAK and makan luar everyday so no update on recipe whatsoever. Poor my husband.

eh banyak dah tu, bye.

Friday, January 29, 2016

The First Three Years

For the day, you were born
I was cut open
For the hideous scar
The bloated belly
The swollen and aching joints
The long and sleepless night
For the first time, I’ve seen your face
With the wires and tubes
For being so tiny and helpless
For the first time, you opened your eyes
I fell in love
For the lovely smile
The infectious laugh
The smiling eyes
You have grown so much
The tiny hands wrapped around my neck
For the endless kiss
The small hugs
The screaming and crying
The messy lunch
For the secret code
The special bond
I can see the love from your beautiful eyes
You are the greatest gift from the Almighty
My little Angel from Heaven
You are my son, my love, and my joy
I love you forever and far beyond eternity.

P/S: Yes, we are expecting :)