Faculties of Mind

I have so many things going on that will change our lives forever
I have so many things I look forward to
I will keep my chin up with my head held high
I will not be defeated
I will try and I will do it
I will never stop learning
I will always be searching
I will keep praying
and everything I do, I do it for you my dear son.

"Hold my head inside your hands,
I need someone who understands.
I need someone, someone who hears,
For you, I've waited all these years.

For you, I'd wait 'til kingdom come.
Until my day, my day is done.
And say you'll come, and set me free,
Just say you'll wait, you'll wait for me.

In your tears and in your blood,
In your fire and in your flood,
I hear you laugh, I heard you sing,
"I wouldn't change a single thing."

Tears In Heaven - Mother

Inna lillahi wa inna ilayhi raji'un ( انّا للہ و انّا الیہ راجعون)

My mother in law passed away on March 10, 2015
Exactly a year after opah passed away
the same date
midnight
same time
she was 69 years old

3 days before she passed away, she was transferred from ICU to normal ward
Doctor gave us a slight of hope
by telling us, the infection is gone
she probably remain vegetative
so we have to learn how to take care of her in this condition
dia sedar tapi non-responsive
my surfacing teman mak dari pagi ke malam

on the day she passed away, my surfacing can't visit her sebab kerja sampai malam
It was 11pm when he got home
It's raining heavily
Pukul 12 masuk tidur and I heard engine car running
aku call tanya nak pergi mana
he said the hospital call...mak dah nazak
aku tidurkan hamza and tertidur sekali langsung tak sedar apa

Masa tidur, I dream of mak,
she's lying on our living room dalam keadaan vegetative
she just stared at me
Then I felt someone touch my leg
it was my surfacing
"Mak dah takda..." 
he said softly
I immediately hug him
he said wait till morning and he went to mak's house

Pagi datang tengok mak
bila bukak kain tutup muka I was stunned
Masya'Allah cantiknya muka mak
Macam tidur dalam senyum
berseri sangat
even my mom said that

Masa lepas mandikan I kissed her for the last time
tak pergi sampai kubur sebab hamza dah bangun
semuanya dipermudahkan
cuaca yang baik
surfacing kata masa di kubur jadi mendung
lepas kebumi panas semula
Alhamdulillah
semuanya mudah

I knew her way before our marriage
She is the best mother in law
tak pernah marah, tak pernah tinggi suara, tak pernah campur hal kami berdua
She's a cool mom
selalu senyum je and never fail to say thank you
kami tinggal selang satu lorong je
so whenever datang jumpa dia, dia akan kata
"terima kasih lawat mak" walaupun jumpa selalu

I will always remember her smile
her warm hugs
her cooking
she made the best creme caramel pudding
masa sebelum kahwin,
bila nak keluar dating ada je benda mak bagi tapau untuk makan
I am so lucky to be part of her life

I have faith that she's not in pain at all
sebab masa dia sedated and sedar semula bila tanya dia sedar ke kami datang
atau rasa sakit ke
dia kata dia langsung tak sedar
I am hoping dari masa dia coma sampai vegetative tu dia macam tidur je
tak rasa apa
she never knew her leg was gone

I know that she's in the best place now
Mak baik sangat menjaga suami yang sakit sehingga lah ke akhir hayat
tak pernah menyakiti orang lain
Oh dear Allah, she has done so much for her family
Please forgive her sins and grant her a place in Jannah

Rest well, mak
You will always be in our heart and our doa.

Allahyarham Mariah Abd Talib
(16 September 1946- 10 Mac 2015)

Mother

We are taking it slow now
Masa hamza kena HFMD,
My mother in law was admitted to Hospital Selayang just a week after remove 1 toe.
The culprit was diabetic gangrene.
She is still in hospital now.
in the ICU to be exact.
almost 2 months now

Earlier she was admitted because she was having difficulty to breathe
Then we were told by doctor she has kidney failure - stage 5
she has to start on Dialysis
Not long after that, her health went downhill...fast.
From laughing and smiling to unconscious state
from normal ward to ICU to Isolation ICU
she had pneumonia
her tube site for catheter (a tube inserted into her vein in the neck for dialysis) is infected
her blood froze during dialysis
Doctor had a talk with my surfacing
It's not looking good but there's hope
he gave her a really strong antibiotic
She woke up from sedation but remained weak

Then we were told by doctor they have to remove another toe
Tt's infected with gangrene as well
just a few days after  minor operation removing her toe,
we were told by doctor that her entire leg need to go
I was speechless
Below Knee amputation need to be done because she has a severe infection
it could go to her vein, heart and brain
and we don't wanna go down that road
we have no choice
we have to do it

My MIL doesn't know about her leg
because  since the operation she remains unconscious until now
After the amputation, she had another operation
She had to undergone a tracheotomy
(created hole through the front of neck to opens up the trachea)
This procedure provides air passage  for her to breathe
she's not getting enough air into her lungs due to over flooding mucus

After  both operation, she opened her eyes but no response from her
She's no longer sedated
She should be awake by now
When my surfacing visit her, he will touch her hand, talk to her but nothing's change
her eyes wide open,  just looking up.  no movement.
We are really worried.
I'm really afraid she has fell into a vegetative state, god forbid.
Yesterday my surfacing asked doctor to do CT scan to check her brain movement
hopefully the result will bring some good news to us

All your doa are needed.
My MIL name is Mariah Abdul Talib
Dear Allah SWT,
please cure our mother,
heal her and ease her pain,
grant her strength,
keep her healthy
Please bring out the best in us to take care of her and comfort her.
Amin.

HFMD episode 2

Surfacing dah selamat admitted due to dehydration.

Confirmed HFMD.

Usually it affects children but yes it can occur in adults.

In fact surfacing kena lagi teruk dari hamza.

Asalnya isnin tu dia demam. 

Malam dah kebah tapi selasa dia tunggu mak masuk wad dari 9 pagi sampai 12 malam. Dia tunggu kat yellow zone hospital selayang tu so imagine berapa punya bapak datuk virus ada dalam tu

Dia demam balik time tu and mula kena sakit tekak

Sakit tekak yg tahap macam razor blade everytime telan air liur

Rabu pergi klinik ambik antibiotic 

Sampai jumaat tekak masih sakit gila 

Rashes mula keluar jadi blister

Tadi terus hantar hospital sebab kalau dia dok rumah mau aku pulak berjangkit

Habis kalau both sakit sapa nak jaga hamza?

Me on the other hand memang kena positif supaya diri jadi kuat

Makan habbatussauda and doa supaya sihat.

Memang ada ulser and body ache here and there

Tapi kena kuatkan diri.

So how did we get HFMD?

Siapa yang kenal kitorang boleh tau betapa aku ni paranoid dengan germs

I clean my house, mainan hamza and any surface with dettol

I have antibacterial wetwipes and sanitizer in my bag

I sanitize my hand before ambik hamza di rumah babysitter and sanitize tangan dia 

I will wipe and use spray sanitizer at babychair bila makan kat luar

I wash my hand and sanitize before pegang makanan especially makanan untuk hamza

Tahap germs freak aku,  lepas beri-beri aku sabun tangan dengan hand soap, sabun basuh pinggan dan sanitize lagi dengan dettol. 

To that extend.

But kalau nak kena, tetap kena jugak.

My child is not a bubble boy.

Aku hantar rumah orang, bawak makan luar, bawak pergi mall.

It can happen anywhere. 

To be honest, aku serius taktau hamza kena HFMD. Hari ahad tu bawak dia pi breakfast siap jumpa family bai, pergi jusco, balik umah nenek. Petang tu keluar rashes kt kaki and mulut terus rasa bersalah cause we didn't know.

But once tau, memang terus kuarantin kt rumah.

Sanggup ambik annual leave 6 hari. 

But some people mungkin take it lightly.

Bawak anak jalan or hantar jugak anak pergi taska walaupun anak kena hfmd or chicken pox or rotavirus. 

Anyway, it's a tough week for us.

Hopefully datanglah pelangi selepas thunderstorm ini

Gitu

HFMD

Almost a week resting at home

Last week 3 hari cuti ehsan

This week seminggu terus tak datang kerja

Tak sangka hamza akan kena HFMD

Surfacing pun berjangkit dengan hamza penuh ulser dalam mulut

Mother in law admitted

Dugaan permulaan 2015

Alhamdulillah ruam2 and blister makin hilang

Yang penting ulser mulut dah takda

Will write about this bila hamza dah sihat nanti

Today Is Perfect

I read this article written by Megan Morton in HuffPost Parents
I feel like crying
This article makes me want to savour everything I have now
Makes me appreciate all those little things my son does
Makes me appreciate life
Because when that 'one day' come,
I know I will keep myself busy
to make room for the emptiness of not having my children around
Because they all have grown up and have their own lives


So, here's the article:

"MOMMY, SOMEBODY NEEDS YOU"

Ever since we brought our new daughter home, 
her older brothers have been the first to tell me when she is crying, whimpering 
or smelling a little suspicious.
 "Somebody needs you," they say. 
I have no idea how this little saying started, but at first it sort of annoyed me. 
I could be enjoying a quick shower... 
"Mommy, somebody needs you. The baby is crying." 
Or, sitting down for a second, quite aware that the baby was beginning to stir from a nap.... 
"Mama, somebody needs you!" OK! I get it already!
 And not to mention that the newborn's needs pale in comparison to the needs of two little boys. Somebody always needs a snack, a band-aid, a different sock, ice cubes in their water, 
a NEW Paw Patrol, a stream of snot wiped, a hug, a story, a kiss. 
Some days never seem to end, and the monotony of being "needed" can really take its toll. 
Then, it all started to hit me, they need ME. Not anybody else. 
Not a single other person in the whole world. They need their Mommy.

The sooner I can accept that being Mommy means that I never go off the clock, 
the sooner I can find peace in this crazy stage of life. 
That "Mommy" is my duty, 
privilege and honor. I am ready to be there when somebody needs me, all day and all night. 
Mommy means I just put the baby back down after her 4 a.m. feeding
when a 3-year-old has a nightmare. 
Mommy means I am surviving on coffee and toddler leftovers. 
Mommy means my husband and I haven't had a real conversation in weeks. 
Mommy means I put their needs before my own, without a thought. 
Mommy means that my body is full of aches and my heart is full of love.

I am sure there will come a day when no one needs me. 
My babies will all be long gone and consumed with their own lives. 
I may sit alone in some assisted living facility watching my body fade away. 
No one will need me then. I may even be a burden. 
Sure, they will come visit, but my arms will no longer be their home. 
My kisses no longer their cure. 
There will be no more tiny boots to wipe the slush from or seat belts to be buckled. 
I will have read my last bedtime story, seven times in a row. 
I will no longer enforce time-outs. 
There will be no more bags to pack and unpack or snack cups to fill. 
I am sure my heart will yearn to hear those tiny voices calling out to me, 
"Mommy, somebody needs you!"

So for now, I find beauty in the peaceful 4 a.m. feedings in our cozy little nursery. 
We are perched above the naked oak trees in our own lavender nest. 
We watch the silent snow fall and a bunny scampering across its perfect white canvas.
 It's just me and my little baby, the neighborhood is dark and still. 
We alone are up to watch the pale moon rise and the shadows dance along the nursery wall. 
She and I are the only ones to hear the barn owl hooting in the distance. 
We snuggle together under a blanket and I rock her back to sleep. 

It's 4am and I am exhausted and frustrated, but it's OK, she needs me. Just me. 
And maybe, I need her too. Because she makes me Mommy. 
Someday she will sleep through the night. 
Someday I will sit in my wheelchair, my arms empty, dreaming of those quiet nights in the nursery. When she needed me and we were the only two people in the world.

Can I enjoy being needed? Sometimes, sure, but often it is tiring. Exhausting.
 But, it isn't meant to be enjoyed every moment. It is a duty. 
God made me their Mom.
 It is a position I yearned for long before I would ever understand it. 
Over a three-day weekend, my husband couldn't believe how many times our boys kept saying, "Mommy. Mommy. Mommy!" 
"Are they always like this?" he asked, not able to hide his terror and sympathy. 
"Yep. All day, everyday. That's my job." 
And I have to admit that it is the toughest job I have ever had. 

In a previous life, I was a restaurant manager for a high volume and very popular chain in 
Palm Beach Gardens, Florida. A Saturday night at 7:30 p.m. with the expo window 
overflowing with dishes, a two-hour wait and the electricity inexplicably going out 
has got nothing on a Tuesday, 5:00 p.m. at the Morton house. 
And let me tell ya, South Florida diners are some of the toughest to please. 
But they are a cake walk compared to sleep-deprived toddlers with low blood sugar.

Once upon a time, I had time. For myself. Now, my toenails need some love. 
My bra fits a little differently. My curling iron might not even work anymore, I don't know.
 I can't take a shower without an audience. I've started using eye cream. 
I don't get carded anymore. My proof of motherhood. Proof that somebody needs me. 

That right now, somebody always needs me. Like last night...

At 3 a.m. I hear the little footsteps entering my room. I lay still, barely breathing.
Maybe he will retreat to his room. Yeah right.

"Mommy."

"Mommy." A little louder.

"Yes," I barely whisper.

He pauses, his giant eyes flashing in the dim light.

"I love you."

And just like that, he is gone. 
Scampered back to his room. But, his words still hang in the cool night air. 
If I could reach out and snatch them, I would grab his words and hug them to my chest. 
His soft voice whispering the best sentence in the world. I love you. 
A smile curls across my lips and I slowly exhale, almost afraid to blow the memory away.
 I drift back to sleep and let his words settle into my heart.

One day that little boy will be a big man. 
There will no longer be any sweet words whispered to me in the wee hours. 
Just the whir of the sound machine and the snoring husband.
 I will sleep peacefully through the night, never a worry of a sick child or a crying baby.
 It will be but a memory. These years of being needed are exhausting, yet fleeting.
 I have to stop dreaming of "one day" when things will be easier. 
Because the truth is, it may get easier, but it will never be better than today. 
Today, when I am covered in toddler snot and spit-up. 
Today, when I savor those chubby little arms around my neck. 
Today is perfect. 
"One day" I will get pedicures and showers alone. 
"One day" I will get myself back. 
But, today I give myself away, and I am tired and dirty and loved SO much, and I gotta go. Somebody needs me.

Moment Of Truth

Came across Emily McDowell's honest greeting card
IT'S SO FUNNY!!!

I wish I could write something like this
Biasa kalau pegi wedding ke apa balik balik
"Selamat Pengantin Baru"
"semoga bahagia selalu"

Kalau nak selamba sikit
"cepat-cepat dapat anak"
atau "have fun honeymoon'
takdalah nak kreatif sangat kan

Macam ni ha..kita mesti tulis belated kan baik punya cover
takkan nak tulis lupa birthday orang
tapi ni in your face honesty
hahahaha

Once a mom always a mom
walaupun ko cakap ko  taknak bagi advice kat new mom atau other mom
tapi kalau org tanya laju je ko jawab kan
hahahahaha
because we can't contain our thoughts
kalau bab anak memang laju je nak sharing is caring

ahh jeles dengan emily ni
She was in advertising...
quit her job and found what she loves doing most - writing and typography
eventually jadi besar and making lotsa money

Apparently my superior kata
"kita boleh buat apa kita suka lepas pencen, 
dalam masa bekerja kita kena buat apa orang suka"
He is damn right!
itulah resmi makan gaji bukan boleh ikut kepala sendiri je
setiap duit yang dibayar tu adalah tanggungjawab kita, amanah kepada kita
But tak bermakna kita tak boleh fikir cemana nak develop diri kan

Maybe I have to look deep into myself
kena cari how to make money doing what I Love most?
Tak payah yang juta-juta punya

bak kata superior sorang lagi
"Berniaga lah macam orang Kelantan...
 Jual Budu 10 riyal, untung 1 riyal, 
tapi nak bila 1 riyal tu? sekarang jugak pasal nak makan petang ni"

maksudnya kalau berniaga tu biarlah untung dapat terus walaupun kecik
dari berniaga besar-besar tapi untung tak nampak
itu perumpaan untuk orang modal kecik la
kalau memang modal besar what the heck kan

and how come aku cerita pasal greeting cards tiba-tiba jadi cerita bisnes pulak?
Thank God It's Friday.

Circles

I am working - to work
not to make friends
I'm going to work to make a living.

You don't have to pity me just because I'm having breakfast or lunch at my desk

or I don't wait for another person to join me to go to surau

or I don't participate gossiping about other people

I choose to be alone

I choose to leave my house-work-go back and take care my family

I don't feel the need to participate any outside work activity, bowling etc

I'm not being arrogant or rather rude

I smile at you

I greet you with Assalamualaikum or good morning or simply smile

I just don't want to share with you about my personal life, my hobby, my family or my friends

Yes, I do have friends

In fact I have lots of them
all kinds
The bestest friends

Friends that I contact and meet regularly

Friends that I invite to my house or to my mom's kenduri

So thank you for your concern

I am perfectly happy with my circle of friends 

that you are not in.

Peace.


MY INTERMONOLOGUE:
Joe Cocker - With a Little Help From My Friends

The Long and Winding Road

Muhammad Hamza aka Nobita

"Every progress is golden because I know it's a result of hard work"

Ayat ni dari entry Teefa yang aku sukaaaaa sangat sangat.
spot on!

As a prematurely born baby, kat mana-mana buku atau article yang boleh google
akan kata mesti ada sikit development delay.
Masa lahirkan hamza, aku dah set dalam mind.
Yes, mungkin akan ada delay.
I will never put any expectation pada Hamza.
I will help him through this.
Bawah umur setahun memang takda masalah.
lambat sikit tapi aku tak cemas langsung.

roll: 5 months 3 weeks

First solid food: 6 months

sit without support: 7 months 3 weeks

crawl: 8 months 3 weeks

standing without support: 8 months 2 weeks

Climb: 8 months 2 weeks

Cooing and babling: 9 months

First tooth: 10 months

Clap and Bye: 1 year 2 weeks

First step: 1 year 3 months

Tapi bila Hamza dah mula jalan dan melasak
aku dah lupa yang dia ni once a premature baby.
sebab dah besar kan.
so rasa risau tu mesti ada bila hamza tak bercakap lagi by umur 18 months.
Aku cakap takpa kita tunggu 2 tahun.

Lepas dah 2 tahun, aku rasa tak boleh wait and see dah.
zaman sekarang ni semua cepat and advance
Especially beli baca "EARLY INTERVENTION PROGRAM" is very crucial
jangkamasa dia adalah seawal yang boleh  hingga 5 tahun saja
sebab time tu budak macam sponge boleh serap apa saja
cepat atau lambat je
CDC HUKM kata paling muda budak dalam rekod dorang adalah 18 bulan....
haa bayangkan betapa tinggi awareness modern parents ni kan
Bukanlah lepas 5 tahun tu tak boleh serap apa-apa
tapi lagi awal lagi senang sebab nanti nak masuk sekolah bagai

Macam mak aku pendekatan dia sempoi
"alaa tak lama lagi cakapla tu...dulu pakcik/ anak pakcik/ sepupu ko umur 6 tahun baru cakap"

ada jugak pendekatan positive aura
"takpa kecik lagi, nanti cakapla tu, lambat sikit je"

Tapi kitorang ni ikut pendekatan Paed Hamza iaitu
"get him check right away"

Kalau ikutkan kronologi, aku dah buat beberapa benda:

1. Hearing assessment di Klinik Audiologi dan Pertuturan, HUKM Jalan Temerloh
    masa 1 tahun 4 bulan
    Result:  Normal

ABR test - Hearing

2. Assessment dengan ENT Doctor di Hospital Selayang masa 1 tahun 6 bulan
     Result: Normal

3. First speech assessment di Klinik Audiologi dan Pertuturan masa 1 tahun 6 bulan
    Result- speech delay

4. Speech assessment dengan Speech Languange Pathologist di One Hearing Centre
    pada umur 2 year 4 months (December 2014)
    Result: Language Age - 8 months- 1 year old

5. Registered at Children Development Centre  pada 13 Januari 2015
    - waiting list untuk assessment  adalah sampai september....berjanggut tunggu tapi free

6. Waiting list untuk assessment di NASOM (Nombor 32 so dalam 2-3 bulan)
    - dah tunggu dari November

Next step InsyaAllah aku akan bawak hamza untuk Psychological assessment di WQ Park
Date belum set lagi, but soon. Probably end of January.

Why Psychological assessment?
Sebab Hamza ada ADHD and Autism traits. sikit lah.
Bukanlah banyak..ada dalam 1-2 gitu.
Plus he's non-verbal so takut faktor-faktor tu yang buatkan dia non-verbal.
Short attention span- hyper- easily distracted .
I really hope takda...but PAED hamza bila tengok je dia masa nak inject Pneumococcal
dose 3 last week terus kata "get him check right away"
Kengerian sekejap makcik
Pasal Hamza masuk je bilik doktor terus flapping tangan...
padahal kat rumah bukan selalu buat pun.
talking about perfect timing here.
hahahah

So yes berbalik kepada ayat teefa "every progress is golden"
sangat sangat betul.
apa sahaja benda baru hamza buat aku akan kira sebagai progress.
Contohnya:

 Hamza korek hidung? itu motor skills - progress

 Hamza tunjuk baju aku sebab ada perkataan besar macam A, B, C - yup that's progress

Hamza stack wooden toys (stacking ke atas- building)
 - definitely a progress walaupun dia mengamuk sebab tak dapat stack tinggi
and apa yang dia bina tu takda maksud pun

It's the little -little things that counts....
ohh romantik sangat kan
hahahahaha

kalau ikutkan anak orang lain macam-macam dah buat/ cakap memang tak terkejar
and kalau fikir nanti jadi down
so yes, never ever compare our child to another child
every child is unique, different

Macam recently hamza dah pandai sepak bola
Ya Allah masa first dia sepak tu menjerit-jerit aku and surfacing
golllllllll gollllllllllllllllllllllll
dia pulak terpinga-pinga apahal ummi and abah aku ni kena rasuk ka
sebab selama ni dia ambik and baling bola
dia takkan sepak puas la kitorang dok mengajar
finally he did it.
and it's totally worth waiting.
Love you my son, you are super awesome.
Can't wait for your first word.
No, bukan expectation---motivation saja
ngeeee

My Nama is Hamza

Nama: 
Muhammad Hamza Mohd Zulkarnain

Nama Panggilan:
Hamza, Muhammad

Nama mengada: 
Amja,  Cheeky bombom, Gizmo, Kuchimama, Pipi, Nobita

Nama Panggilan oleh nenek:
Ulat Nangko
Ulat mentibang

Umur: 
2 Tahun 4 bulan

Tarikh lahir: 
31 Ogos 2012

Berat: 
11.5kg

Tinggi:
Lebih 85cm tak sure berapa, ummi saya tak macam mak omputih kira tinggi anak kat pintu rumah

Makanan Kegemaran: 
Nasi putih, Tosai gula garing, tofu, nasi ayam atau apa2 nasi berperisa,
spaghetti, mee suah, roti peanut butter
dan apa sahaja jenis biskut khususnya biskut tiger

Sekarang ummi dah tak berapa strict macam dulu dia akan bagi saya rasa makanan
biasa orang makan.

Tapi dia masih tak bagi saya makan gula2, keropok jajan, air gas dan air kordial

Oh saya juga dah tak boleh makan coklat atau apa sahaja benda berunsur coklat
seperti milo untuk mengelakkan saya hyper

Minuman kegemaran:
Susu S26 Progress x 6oz z x 7 kali sehari. Tapi ummi kata next month nak tukar dutch lady 1,2,3
Yakult
air teh herba abah nampak sedap tapi ummi tak bagi minum

Saya suka: 
Berlari, berlari dan berlari
melompat, memanjat,
main stacking benda kayu tu
main ball
tengok game kat ipad atau ABC, 123 Qaziinc
baca buku atau sebenarnya kepak buku hardcover sampai patah
tengok TV - semestinya Baby TV dan Disney Junior
keluar berjalan ke mana-mana sahaja asalkan naik kereta

Korek hidung sebab nak tengok ummi jerit "hamzaa noooooooo",
pastu saya gelak dan cuba buat lagi sebab reaction ummi memang priceless

cubit muka, perut abah sebab nak tengok reaction abah sakit

Terbangun tengah malam terus turun menyelit tidur dengan abah and ummi.
pastu ummi letak saya balik dalam cot sebab ingat saya dah tidur tapi oh no no
saya turun balik menyelit last-last ummi fed up terus biar sampai pagi

Saya tak suka: 
kena duduk carseat
kena masuk stroller
kena pegang tangan time jalan
kena pakai kasut
gosok gigi (tapi ummi diam-diam gosok gigi saya masa tidur pakai kain)
kena bawak keluar dari playland---ummi kita baya untuk sehari bukan 45 minit!

Bangun pagi tengok ummi takda, sebab saya tau saya kena hantar rumah babysitter
(maka saya nangis kuat-kuat setiap kali abah bangun atau kata jom)

TV Program saya minat: 
Mickey Mouse Clubhouse, Let's go Pocoyo, Elmo's World,
Babytv (Draco, The Jammers, Hippa Hippa Hey),
Upin-Ipin, Boboiboy,
Karoot Komedia (cuma part dikir barat saja)
Iklan UTC atau apa-apa sahaja iklan kerajaan
countdown sebelum berita utama TV9 start

Lagu kegemaran:
Pink Floyd - Another Brick in The Wall
(ok ni ummi dah start mereka-reka cerita)

2015 - All These Lives

It's 2015 already???
sheeshhh
Looks like I've been abandoning my blog for a while now
serius banyak gila nak update
gambar semua dalam ipad and phone
bila kat rumah dah tak larat nak buat apa pun

So today first day of school
Thank God the traffic was okay.
 I was so nervous this morning sebab dah 2 months suka hati aku je keluar lambat
sebab gerenti sampai by 8am
But today keluar 7am sharp

Do I have any new year resolution?
Honestly takda.
Just pray for more rezeki for my family
peluang yang lebih banyak untuk bagi yang terbaik kepada anak

So masa end of 2014, I took 16 days leave
heaven gilaaaa
duduk rumah tak buat apa just chilled dengan suami and anak
seriously we didn't go anywhere
hari hujan mostly
Dah nak habis cuti baru terkedek-kedek nak kemas itu ini
ni store umah kami
memang betul-betul buat macam store kan...
so berjaya kemas from this



To this:



Eh samaaa je
hahaha my organising skills sucked
sebenarnya ada tak habis kemas lagi
aku beli rak aluminium murahan tu kat ikea dengan harga murahan juga 39 only
lucky me masa beli memang tinggal 2 je
so I need to add more storage rack kalau nak kemas betul
tunggu cuti panjang hujung tahun lah




Time cuti for the first time ever bawak hamza pi indoor playland
sebelum ni usha usha je (damn you rotavirus buat aku paranoid)
but now I'm confident enough to let my kid play and mingle with other kids and germs
He's a big boy
dah 2 tahun 4 bulan
you gotta let him fly
and yeah, he did fly. serius suka gila berlari, melompat dalam playland tu
bukan dia peduli orang lain pun

kitorang bawak kat Jusco AU je murah RM 12 weekend and RM  6 Weekdays
murah gila kan?
haritu nak terjojol mata aku tengok harga playland kat Ikano RM60 on weekend!!!
kegilaan apakah itu
dah boleh masuk kelas gymboree
hamza main maximum pun 1 hour je
tak koser aku nak dok lama-lama kat situ

Anywho
This 2015 aku looking forward perkara ini:

1. Bawak hamza speech therapy supaya my son can call me"ummi" atau "abah" atau any word at all

2. sekiranya...diberi rezeki oleh Allah SWT untuk membawa kawan baru kepada Hamza...ngeee

3. Management Restructuring kat office ni. Kalau jadi akan ada increment yang lebih better, InsyaAllah

4. Avengers - Age of Ultron

5. Jurassic world, Terminator Genisys and Star Wars Episode VII- The Force Awaken

Sangat tak bercita-cita tinggi betul aku ni kan
orang lain nak kurus lah, beli rumah la, tukar kereta lah, pergi Umrah, Buat Business, masuk MLM
aku... nak tengok filem.
hahahaha
Cukupla tu, I'm simple like that
kalau dapat rezeki lain-lain tu aku anggap bonus dalam hidup.

This World Can't Tear Us Apart

Hari ni ramai share kat FB kata-kata dari Ustaz Khairul Azhar Ghazali

Bila baca aku rasa sedih

sedih in a good way lah

because we as human mesti nak komplen

sakit sikit mengeluh

susah sikit terus give up

sedangkan lebih ramai yang diuji lebih dari kita

kehilangan orang tersayang

dipisahkan dengan anak

bersyukur lah dengan apa yang kita ada sekarang

Sometimes bila tengok orang yang kaya, pergi melancong sana sini

boleh beli apa sahaja dia nak mungkin terdetik di hati "bestnyaa"

tapi setakat tu sahaja lah

jangan bersedih

belajar bersyukur

belajar berusaha supaya kita juga mampu mencapai tahap itu suatu hari nanti

Bila tengok sekeliling terlalu banyak nikmat yang Allah berikan

diberikan suami yang baik, yang tak berkira tenaga dalam hal rumah dan anak

diberikan anak yang sihat tubuh badan dan sempurna

mak ayah, adik beradik masih ada 

Keluarga mertua yang sangat sporting dan understanding

ada pekerjaan... disenangi oleh superior

ada kawan-kawan baik yang sentiasa bersedia mendengar dan membantu

ada kereta, ada rumah tempat berteduh

walaupun rumah sewa tapi ada bumbung, ada dinding

bukan homeless

pendek kata kehidupan adalah selesa

Kita mungkin tak kaya tapi kita ada kesihatan yang baik

kita mungkin susah tapi kita ada keluarga, suami, isteri, anak , ibubapa dan sahabat

kita mungkin tak cantik tapi kita bahagia

Terima seadanya dan sentiasa berusaha untuk yang terbaik

USAH BERSEDIH by Khairul Azhar Ghazali

1. Andaikata kamu dikhianati atau dilukai oleh mereka yg mempunyai talian kekeluargaan dgn kamu, usah bersedih. Ingatlah peristiwa Yusuf as, yg dikhianati oleh saudara2nya...

2. Andaikata ibubapa kamu, atau mereka yg kamu kasihi, menentang kamu ketika kamu berjalan di atas jalan kebenaran, usah bersedih. Ingatlah peristiwa Ibrahim as, yg dihumban ke dalam api oleh ayahandanya...

3. Andaikata kamu buntu di dalam permasalahan dan tidak nampak jalan keluar, usah bersedih. Ingatilah kisah Yunus as, yg terperangkap di dlm perut ikan.

4. Andaikata kamu didatangi penyakit, dan seluruh anggota badan kamu di landa kesakitan, usah bersedih. Ingatilah kisah Ayub as, yg ditimpa kesakitan dan pelbagai penyakit, disamping kehilangan ahli keluarganya.

5. Andaikata kamu melihat akan adanya kekurangan atau kelemahan pada diri kamu, usah bersedih. Ingatlah kisah Musa as, yg tidak dapat bertutur dgn sempurna.

6. Andaikata kamu difitnah dan dicaci oleh manusia di sekelilingmu, usah bersedih. Ingatilah kisah Aisyah ra, yg sabar setelah difitnah sehingga satu kota memperkatakannya...

7. Andaikata kamu rasa kesunyian dan keseorangan serta tiada yg membantu, usah bersedih. Ingatilah kisah Adam as, yg diturunkan ke muka bumi bersendirian sebelum bertemu kembali Hawa.

8. Andaikata kamu rasakan tidak ada kewajaran akan apa yg perlu kamu lakukan, serta detikan hati tertanya mengapa ianya terjadi, usah bersedih. Ingatilah kisah Nuh as, yg tanpa keluh dan tanpa tahu sebabnya, terus membina bahtera yg besar tanpa soal...

9. Andaikata kamu diherdik dan dicerca oleh saudara mara kamu lantaran kamu memilih agama dan kehidupan akhirat berbanding kehidupan dunia, usah bersedih. Ingatilah kisah Muhammad saw, yg dipulaukan dan diperangi oleh keluarganya yg terdekat...

Subhanallah... Masyaallah.. Allahuakbar...

Allah swt mewujudkan personaliti yg hebat2 ini sebelum kita, dan mendatangi mereka dgn pelbagai ujian dan cabaran, dgn tujuan agar satu hari nanti, manusia spt saya dan kamu, bila mana berhadapan dgn sebarang musibah dan tribulasi, tidak perlu berkata "KENAPA AKU?"..

Away

November memang bulan yang amat busy
kerja banyak gila nak settlekan sebelum tutup buku
aku pulak mesti nak amik cuti lama hujung bulan 12
so kena settle macam-macam

last week aku pi Jakarta ada sesi brainstorming
will blog about it later
When I mean later it could be next 10 years
ngeee

Anyway nak share
makcik ni datang office aku last month
so preparation memang gah gila
siap cat bangunan kau
punya la nak menyambut first lady ni

bila tiba harinya we were suprised
she's so humble
takda banyak kisah sangat
so friendly
siap spend almost 1 hour makan relax relax sambil layan orang nak bergambor

aku tak cakap baru jumpa a few hours ko dah kenal orang tu
but aku dah banyak handle vvip sebelum ni
and turns out she's easy

Buat aku terfikir sometimes kita percaya sangat dengan apa orang cerita
apa yang keluar kat media sosial
sampai kita lupa and sama-sama sebarkan sedangkan kita tak tau betul ke tidak
mungkin betul, mungkin tidak
but who are we to judge?
Must always remember, she's a human being, a wife, a daughter, a mother
Wallhualam

AVENGERS - Age Of Ultron

I . CAN'T. WAIT.
Mei 2015 yeee
dekat dah tuuu

anyway next week probably will go see Interstellar by Christopher Nolan



Do I bring Hamza bila pergi tengok wayang?
memang taklaa
that's why aku akan pergi time weekdays only
not only cinema kosong and takda budak2 baru nak naik yang galak bersembang
dalam movie theatre
Aku jugak kurang rasa bersalah bila tinggalkan hamza
cause kalau tak pi tengok wayang pun, tetap kena pi keja kan?
Tapi sebelum movie start kejap2 tengok hp
whatsapp bs hamza tanya dia ok ke tak
padahal kalau pegi office takla serisau macam tu

Superhero movies sekarang ni memang dah macam a must summer movie every year
even Marvel siap dah annouce 10 Superhero movie yang akan keluar sampai 2020.
Bayangkan betapa box officenya
So aku nak buat top 10 my favourite superhero movies of all time
tapi banyak sangat!!!


So here goes my Top 15 favourite Superhero movies of all times, yet:

1.The Dark Knight (Christopher Nolan, 2008)

2. The Crow (Alex Proyas, 1993)

3.X-Men- Days Of Future Past (Bryan Singer, 2014)

4. V for Vendetta (James McTeigue, 2005)

5. The Avengers (Josh Whedon, 2012)

6. Batman (Tim Burton, 1989)

7. X-Men First Class (Matthew Vaughn, 2011)

8. X2- Xmen United (Bryan Singer, 2003)

9. Batman Begins (Christopher Nolan, 2002)

10. .Iron Man (Jon Favreau, 2008)

11. The Amazing Spiderman (Marc Webb, 2012)

12. Captain America- The Winter Soldier (Anthony & Joseph Russo, 2014)

13. Watchmen (Zack Snyder, 2009)

14. Spiderman (Sam Raimi, 2002)

15. Guardians of The Galaxy (James Gunn, 2014)

Judging from the teaser trailer
I guess Avengers - Age of Ultron will make it to my top 5
we'll see.

The Wedding Song

Anak dah 2 tahun baru nak blog pasal lagu kawin?

apakah kebuang tebiatan ini

ngeee

sebenarnya aku just nak recordkan sebelum aku terlupa songlist aku masa kawin aritu

macam baru je kawin pulak kan

aku memang suka music

for me hidup tanpa lagu macam cerita tanpa gambar

dari kecik dah dengar lagu rock kapak, boyband

kemudian insaf dan dengar The Beatles

seterusnya Grunge, Punk

and akhirnya terjebak dengan Metal Band

Tapi aku tetap mempunyai kesukaan pada feel good songs
Cause i'm a sucker for great lyrics and melody
Kalau aku suka satu lagu tu...aku boleh ulang berpuluh kali sehari
haaa tahap gitu

Lagu-lagu ni semua aku pilih mengikut moment dalam hidup aku
masa aku nak pi dating sama zul
masa nak buat preparation kahwin
semua lagu yang aku dengar and ada significant dalam hidup aku

So aku nak setiap moment masa wedding tu terpahat pada lagu2 penting ni
bila aku dengar lagu tu, aku akan ingat ooo time tu masuk dewan
time tu potong kek
gituuuu

aku bahagikan kepada section
masa aku bernikah and event kat rumah aku pasang lagu-lagu melayu semua
Sebab ayah aku suka lagu-lagu melayu
masa kat dewan aku start dengan gamelan and lagu-lagu mostly english all the way

Disebabkan itu juga aku hire PA system dari supplier aku masa kerja event management
and aku dah cakap siap2 aku taknak dia cakap apa2 pun
just play whatever in my playlist according to the itinerary
as simple as that
Thank God dapat Najib ni memang jenis dengar cakap and buat exactly as apa aku nak



Playlist aku macam ni:

A. MASUK DEWAN 
1. Gamelan - Ayak-ayak
Aku rasa gamelan ni memang overused tapi aku tetap suka sebab dia memang sedap
and sesuai untuk berjalan ke pentas, bersanding kejap sebelum emcee masuk line dia
by the way emcee aku adalah SIL aku sendiri. Thank you Yong!


B. BERSANDING
2. Gamelan - Togok Gamelan
Beat togok gamelan ni fast-beat so sangat sesuai untuk merenjis renjis dipilis gitu
So orang merenjis pun takdelah lemah gemalai je


C. MAKAN BERADAP
Nak turun je dari pentas ke meja makan terus pasang lagu-lagu berikut:

1. Book of Love - Peter Gabriel


*Lagu book of love ni aku selalu play masa drive balik kerja time dekat2 nak kahwin
lagu ni adalah lagu episod finale series kegemaran aku and zul "scrubs"
Lagu ni aku bayangkan love song kitorang sampai tua gitu

"But I, I love it when you give me things.
And you, You ought to give me wedding rings"

2. Secret Garden - Bruce Springsteen

*Lagu ni dari Filem romantic favourite aku and zul of all time - JERRY MAGUIRE

Tom Cruise? Renee Zellweger? "You Complete Me?"

Enough said

" You've gone a million miles How far'd you get

To that place where you can't remember And you can't forget"

3. Eric Clapton - Wonderful Tonight

Our relationship songs - jalan sama2 naik bas nak pi tengok wayang 

sampailah masing2 ada kereta

Dulu masa masing- masing broke aku membayangkan 

one day kami keluar pi romantic dinner

kat mana-mana candle light dinner dengan lagu ni 

haaa gitu 

tapi dah ada duit sikit pun tak dan nak buat hahaha

"I feel wonderful because I see, The love light in your eyes.
And the wonder of it all...Is that you just don't realize how much I love you"

4. Andra and The Backbone - Sempurna

Lagu ni aku dah convert jadi lagu untuk Hamza lepas dapat dia...hahaha

kejam sekali

The best Malay/Indon song ever. Lirik yang sangat hebat

" Kau adalah darahku, Kau adalah jantungku

Kau adalah hidup ku lengkapi diriku oh sayang engkau begitu sempurna"

5. Jack Johnson - Times Like These

Lagu yang kitorang akan pasang bila stuck dalam jem lama-lama

atau pi tempat jauh sikit

" And god bless these ones, not those ones , But these ones made times like these

And times like those...What will be will be"

6. Frankie Valli - Can't Take My Eyes Off Of You

Lagu ni dari first filem yang kitorang discuss masa baru-baru kenal

"10 things I hate about you"

Masa tu belum couple lagi...cakap kau aku and kutuk each other

Surfacing call aku  aku cakap sama dia aku tengah tengok cerita ni
scene patrick nyanyi lagu ni untuk Kat kat stadium tu

Surfacing kata
"eh Kat tu macam kau laaa...kasar, ganas...nama ko pun Pet
takpa nanti aku jadi Patrick nyanyi lagu kat stadium MMU untuk kau"

masa tu terus terdetik .."ehh dia suka aku keee"

dah mula syok sikit-sikit....terus jadi favourite filem...hahahahahahaha DASAR

" But if you feel like I feel....Please let me know that it's real
You're just too good to be true...Can't take my eyes off of you"

2-3 minggu lepas tu terus balas-balas sms dengan lirik lagu ni kauuu

haaa romantic tak? hahahahaha

7. Lizzie West - Chariot Rise

Lagu ni dari Film "Secretary" pasal Maggie Gylenhaal yang obses dengan bos dia

Lagu ni sangat sweet and menggambarkan betapa obsesnya aku pada Surfacing

ngeee 

" Though I have waited long ...And they have all been wrong 

Now I find in the end ...With him I need not pretend 
The chariots ...They rise up high in the sky ...What a fool am I to fall so in love 
What a wonderful dream it seems to be ...'Cause I love him "

8. Kings Of Leon - Use Somebody

lagu ni masa kitorang first dengar terus macam "Wow"

Terlalu gempak sampai aku dengar banyak kali and sampai sekarang tak boring

" You know that I could use somebody

Someone like you and all you know and how you speak"

9.  Padi  - Begitu Indah

Band favourite kitorang dari Indonesia

Kisahnya pada Merdeka 2001 kalau tak silap kitorang janji nak jumpa

kat konsert merdeka Bukit Bintang sebab nak tengok Padi sama-sama

aku dari MMU Cyber, Zul dari UiTM

Punya ramai orang kitorang tak jumpa pun

so masa band ni main, kitorang tengah cari each other

gitu

" Duhai cintaku... pujaan hatiku...Peluk diriku... dekaplah jiwaku

Bawa ragaku melayang...Memeluk bintang"

10. Lifehouse - You and Me

Lagu ni waktu kitorang break pastu couple balik

ahh those days bila ingat balik rasa silly

ngeee

"Cause it's you and me and all of the people With nothing to do, nothing to prove
And it's you and me and all of the people
And I don't know why I can't keep my eyes off of you"

Baru habis lagu masa Makan Beradap

phewwww

Bear with me ada lagi niii

D. CAKE CUTTING

So bila abis semua lagu-lagu kt atas tu adalah queue untuk cake cutting

Bila pasang lagu ni kami pun bangun nak pi cake cutting

1. Love Song For A Vampire - Annie Lennox

Lagu ni Theme song dari filem "Bram Stoker Dracula"

The best Romantic/ Horror/ Erotic/  Drama film of all time

Betapa kitorang obsessed dengan cerita ni sampai jadi salah satu props wedding

Vlad Dracula and Mina

Sicnessurfacing

dan betapa aku obsessed pada Gary Oldman dalam citer ni

hensemnyaaaaa

" Let me be the only one...To keep you from the cold

Now the floor of heaven is laid...With stars of brightest gold"

2. Crush - Senyum Indah

Lagu ni surfacing yang suggest untuk play masa on the way nak pi beli brg hantaran

first dengar terus jatuh cinta

ost filem Sepi

" Kau, tersenyum indah...Tertarik jiwa ku....Buat ku rasa rindu
Kerana ku tahu...Yang kau akan menjadi milik ku"

3. Alexi Murdoch - All My Days

Sejak aku tengok filem  "Away We Go"

aku terus jatuh cinta dengan lagu ni memang hari-hari dengar until today

Sangat feel good, sangat best lirik dia

pun aku dah convert jadi lagu untuk HAMZA

hahaha

anyway filem ni pun best gila pasal couple ni cari tempat untuk settle down 

untuk besarkan anak 

4. The Wallflowers - Closer To You

Lagu ni masa aku praktikal dulu tak saba nak tunggu weekend supaya dapat jumpa surfacing

" You know there's nowhere else...I've wanted to be...Than be there when you need me

I'm sorry too...But don't give up on me...And just remember that when you get asleep
I got a little bit closer to you"

5. The Beatles- Something

The Beatles aku dengar dari Darjah 6

Lagu-lagu dia aku dah hafal and tau by heart

"Something" is definitely our love song

"Something in the way she knows...And all I have to do is think of her

Something in the things she shows me...I don't want to leave her now
You know I believe and how"

6. 311 - Love Song

Lagu asal oleh The Cure...Cover by 311 jadi version yang sangat best

Lagu ni soundtrack untuk filem Adam Sandler - 50 First Dates

ala filem yang Drew Barrymore ada short term memory loss so Adam Sandler

kena mengorat dia hari-hari...ending dia comel and sad at the same time

" However far away...I will always love you

However long I stay...I will always love you
Whatever words I say...I will always love you"

7. Edwin McCain - I'll Be

Lagu ni masa first year couple sama surfacing

and tetiba break...fuh heartbroken wey

tapi pastu mend semula after 6 months hence the song

Yes i'm hopeless romantic like that

haih

" And I'll be your cryin' shoulder...I'll be love's suicide
And I'll be better when I'm older...I'll be the greatest fan of your life"

8. Five For Fighting - Something About You

Lagu masa tengah cari idea kahwin, survey2 blog org buat prep kawin

"Baby there's something about you that...I can hold on to I'm gonna to hold on to that"

9. Natalie Cole - Unforgettable (Duet Nat King Cole)

Natalie Cole sang this song edited with her father's version
 accompanied by visual of her Late Father, Nat King Cole

How sweet is that?

Menang 3 grammy terus tau masa 1992

haa lagu ni kitorang dah tuju-tuju lagu konon-konon

so aku tujukan lagu ni untuk surfacing

Masa tu aku lupa dia bagi lagu apa kat aku ntah

"That's why darling, it's incredible...That someone so unforgettable

Thinks that I am unforgettable too"

Phewwww settle

so for the rest of the event ada banyak lagi lagu yang aku buat playlist

which is too many to list here

but I will do it in another entry

sebab ada lebih kurang 100 lagu pick and chosen by me

ahhh now I feel so lovey dovey tak sabar nak balik rumah peluk suami and anak

ngeeee